Why Does My Anxiety Keep Coming Back? (And How Do I Stop the Cycle?)

TL;DR: Anxiety → Avoidance → Short-Term Relief → Long-Term Anxiety Growth

Meet George.

George is a successful businessman who has led his company in sales for three years. He has a plan to start his own business—and he knows he could succeed.

But one year passes. Then two. Then five.

He never starts.

His friends say he “chickened out.” In reality, George is stuck in a cycle that pretty much all of us with anxiety know a little too well.

Anxiety

Raise your hand if you enjoy feeling anxious.

Exactly.

Racing heart, tight chest, nausea—it makes you want to crawl out of your own skin. And that’s normal. Anxiety is uncomfortable by design.

George realizes he’s afraid his business might fail. Starting something new takes time, money, and energy—and there’s no guarantee it works out.

Every time he seriously considers it, his body says: absolutely not.

Avoidance

So what do we do when something makes us anxious?

We avoid it. Of course we do.

Afraid of dogs? You’re not going to your friend’s house with two Rottweilers and a pitbull—you’re hosting at your place. Problem solved.

…until the dog sitter cancels and suddenly you’re hiking with Rocky, Tyson, and Evander. Now what?

George avoids too. Instead of researching his business idea, he distracts himself—video games, going out, anything but the thing that makes him anxious.

Because let’s be honest: a business plan is stressful. Video games are not.

Short-Term Relief

Avoidance works… temporarily.

Decline the invite? Anxiety gone.Don’t drive? No driving anxiety.Never start the thing? Can’t fail at it.

Amazing system… in the short term.

George tells himself he’ll start tomorrow. Tomorrow he’ll be well-rested, motivated, and definitely not anxious anymore.

(We all know how that goes.)

Also, happy hour has 50-cent wings. And really—who is choosing a business plan over that?

Long-Term Anxiety Growth

Here’s where it backfires:

The more you avoid something, the scarier it becomes.

Avoidance teaches your brain:“Wow, we keep dodging this… must be dangerous.”

Modern life makes avoidance very easy—endless scrolling, constant distraction, anything to not sit with discomfort.

Skipping your taxes for a day or two? Fine.Ignoring them until April 15th? Now Uncle Sam is involved, and no one wants that.

For George, “I’ll do it tomorrow” turns into years. Now the pressure is even bigger. The fear is even louder.

And somehow, happy hour might go up to 75-cent wings—which honestly might be the most stressful part.

How Do You Break the Cycle?

Two phrases I use a lot:

• “Avoid avoiding.”

• “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.”

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety (you’ll want it when crossing the street).

The goal is to stop letting anxiety decide what you do.

That means:

• Doing the thing while anxious

• Learning discomfort is tolerable

• Proving to yourself you can function even when it feels bad

Best case? It’s not as scary as you thought.Worst case? It is uncomfortable—and you handle it anyway.

That’s still a win.

Back to George

George doesn’t wait for anxiety to disappear.

He starts the plan anyway. Uncomfortable, sweaty, unsure—but moving forward.

Because the only thing that actually gets him closer to his goal is doing the thing he’s been avoiding.

Will he succeed? Maybe.Will he fail? Also possible.

But either way, he learns something way more important:He can act even when he’s anxious.

Final Thought

We’ve all been George.

The goal isn’t to never feel anxious—it’s to recognize when avoidance is quietly running your life.

And to start choosing differently.

You don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re struggling with anxiety, ask your therapist about exposure therapy—the gold standard for breaking this cycle.

Yes, it’s uncomfortable.That’s kind of the point.

Therapeutic Interventions and Psychological Services (TIPS)Helping you do hard things—even when your brain would rather you eat wings and deal with it tomorrow.